How to Support a Loved One with an Eating Disorder
An important component of recovery for an individual with an eating disorder is support from their family and friends.
It is difficult to watch someone you love suffer from an eating disorder, especially if you don’t know how to support them.
You desperately want to help them, but your good intentions often push them further away. Plus, if they are in denial, your support is not only unwanted but unnecessary. Even a visit to the doctor may fail to “prove” that they are sick, showing normal blood work and vital signs.
Still, we have found over and over again that the intuitions of family and friends are almost always right. If you can get them through our door, we can help: With our metabolic testing and body composition analysis, we can definitively show whether or not they have a problem. Our empirical data, which also reveals the seriousness of the eating disorder, is often enough to motivate them to seek help.
The difficulty, then, is convincing them to make an appointment.
Below, we share eight tips for how to support a loved one with an eating disorder.
Do your best to understand things from their perspective. Show that you are listening to them without judgment and let them know just how much you care.
The timing of your conversation is everything! Don’t bring up the conversation when you are tired, angry, frustrated, hurried, or distracted. Avoid eating during the discussion too.
Be prepared for resistance — and don’t take it personally! Individuals suffering from eating disorders often experience significant guilt, shame, and/or anxiety, which can turn to anger and/or denial.
In some cases (especially for those in denial), making a quasi-bet with them works. For instance, tell your loved one something like: “Let’s schedule one visit at The Kahm Clinic. If you are fine, we’ll see; and if you are not, we’ll also see. If you really are as well as you say, why don’t you prove me wrong? Then, I’ll stop bugging you about this issue.” You cannot go wrong either way. If they are healthy, you’ll know and be able to stop worrying. If they are sick, you’ll know and be able to start the path to their recovery.
Focus on specific actions instead of generalizations. Rather than statements like “you never eat enough” or “you eat too much,” say things like: “Yesterday, I noticed that you skipped lunch, and the day before, you disappeared for a while after breakfast. I’m worried for you, and it makes me wonder if we should go see someone who can help you.”
Never make comments about their weight, body size, body shape, and/or body image. For example, comforting someone by saying that they’re “not fat” serves to reinforce their desire to be thin. Instead, focus on why they are so worried about being fat.
Avoid accusatory comments and solutions like “why can’t you just eat more?” or “do you really need a second helping?” The goal is for them to seek help, and accusing them only strengthens their resistance. Be mindful that the root of the problem is always psychological and that eating more or less isn’t the real solution.
Educate yourself as much as possible. Read everything you can about eating disorders. There are plenty of helpful resources online (including our blog!). The better you understand eating disorders, the better you’ll be able to put yourself in their shoes and have an effective conversation about your concern. To get started, check out the Parent Toolkit from the National Eating Disorder Association.
Eating disorders are incredibly complex and challenging mental illnesses that require professional treatment.
With these tips, we hope your loved one can begin the path to full recovery!
To talk to a professional about eating disorder treatment, please reach out to our staff or schedule an appointment at The Kahm Clinic today.