How to Help a Loved One with an Eating Disorder

In today’s blog post, we’re going to look at ways to help a loved one with an eating disorder. To better understand the suggestions below, we recommend that you read last month’s blog post about how an eating disorder impacts the brain. 

How can you help a friend or family member with an eating disorder? Although nutritionist Elaina Efird, RDN, CD, CEDRD, CSSD hears this question often, it’s a tricky one to answer — especially when the individual is an adult. “You can’t force someone to seek help or get treatment, which puts you in a really tough position,” she explains.

With that said, let’s consider five ways to support a loved one as they struggle with an eating disorder.

1. Approach them and address the problem.

As challenging as it may be, it’s important that you talk to them about their eating disorder — in a non-accusatory way, of course. Try to use only “I” statements, things like, “I’m concerned that you’re not eating enough” or “I’m worried that you’re spending too much time at the gym.” If you say the same sentiments with “you” statements, they may become defensive and closed off to your help.

Note that you may have to go through this process multiple times before you can move onto the next step. They may brush off your concern or tell you that you’re fine, effectively ending the conversation at that moment. 

2. Look for help with them.

Once they admit that they are struggling, it’s important to work together to find the appropriate level of help. Don’t just suggest that they meet with a therapist or a dietician; instead, help them with the research and appointment coordination. This approach helps them feel like someone is holding them accountable and supporting them on their journey to recovery. 

It’s also important to encourage them not to give up. “Let’s say they do find someone, but it wasn’t a great fit or the experience they were hoping for,” Elaina says. “Remind them that there are plenty of different providers out there and lots of different ways to seek treatment.” In other words, be the voice of positivity when their eating disorder brain tries to take over (more on that below!).

3. Talk to them about how their eating disorder will affect their life, both now and in the future.

As we’ve mentioned before, your loved one may not be experiencing any physical symptoms of their eating disorder. They may have been able to brush off your initial concern because they aren’t “sick enough”; their lab values are within normal ranges, and their weight is a healthy number. 

Still, the grey matter in their brain may be slowly decreasing due to calorie restriction. This change impacts thoughts, mood, concentration, and more, which will eventually make it challenging to complete their daily tasks at either school or work.

4. Discuss the impact of their eating disorder over time.

“We do this exercise in eating disorder treatment, but you can reinforce the impact as well,” Elaina shares. For instance, if they want to achieve a particular goal in five years, you can explain that their eating disorder will make it more difficult because of X,Y, and Z. Show them how the eating disorder will take them further away from their goals in an effort to help them bring awareness to the severity of their problem.

5. Remember that their eating disorder brain is very sneaky.

“It will come up with every excuse in the book. It will tell you things like, ‘It’s really not that bad. I only exercise this much because I want to build muscle,’” Elaina elaborates. “It will help them rationalize everything.” Your responsibility as their loved one, then, is to ignore the eating disorder’s excuses.

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To talk to a professional about eating disorder treatment, please reach out to our staff or schedule an appointment at The Kahm Clinic today.